Thursday, February 5, 2009

BLOOD IN MY HANDS


I cut myself today all because I care for my students. Being a school leader, instruction is only one of my myriad concerns. Even more important are the students’ behavior and attitude. The school being a center for education and excellence must also address the need for students becoming better as persons – as young people.


This year, I have a problem sophomore section. Tardiness is common in the morning and absences are more than common in the afternoon in spite of Biology scheduled at 2. In addition, this section boosts as the noisiest this year. Most of the students are non-performers too. The section also has the highest number of failures per grading period. These problems reflect how poor classroom management could have been in this section and I am totally embarrassed with this. Partly, it reflects on how poor I am as an instructional leader. However, I would like to believe that I have exhausted every means possible to change how the students in this class behave, and look at the entire educative process.


I am a patient person but my patience has limits. I blew my cool this afternoon and made a scene with the students. I don’t want people testing my patience much more students who are chronologically by age younger than I am, which directly makes the test more of a disrespect than childish play. I am not happy with what I have done but I am not also remorseful, nor do I have the plan to apologize. If I cannot make these students behave by requesting them to do so in a manner very polite, then if I can do it in a brutish child-like tantrum display, then I will, even if I lose face. Deep within me, I know I did it for the love of education, for deep respect of what the pedagogical exercise is supposed to be, for my great desire that someday, somehow there will even be some people who deserve to inhabit this planet.

I cut myself this afternoon. My hands were bloodied, all because I care for my students!

17 comments:

Gio said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gio said...

What exactly happened? Was it inflicted accidentally?

Nikki Grace said...

Good afternoon Sir, I hope that you are now in a good condition...GOD BLESS.

Carlo said...

Nikki, I'm OK na but I really lose my cool last Thursday. My wound is healing well. Di lang ako makapaglaba nang maayos because it still hurts though a little. Thanks for the concern

Jax said...

What happened diay sir? (Much blood is in your hands!) Waaa. SMA students getting worst sir? I thought we were the last batch with worst attitudes. Tsk.

Carlo said...

Jackson, makabungog Dong! Wa ra mo sa agit-it. Kabut-an ninyo a!

Jax said...

Tsk. Grabe diay sir noh? Accident na sir or intensionally? Kuyawa gd nila sir. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Wa na ang essence sa S.M.A. Catholic school man unta. Nya naa diay "Black Behind The Blue". Mother Ignacia's core values will be just a dream na diay didto sir. Tsk. Sayang. Sayang ka S.M.A

Carlo said...

Jax! Like your comments, nakakaiyak. At least, you feel the pain and sadness, ang kausik. Mga bata karon, sayang WALA!

Jax said...

No problem sir. 4 years I've stayed in S.M.A gd sir, d pwedeng magpakamanhid. Although I might not be one of the best students, I still do care for the school. Syempre graduate eh. Good for us we've experienced good things though might not be the best but how about them? Such a total waste if the values that were taught in the school will not be implemented. Sayang lang yung mga efforts not just of the sisters and instructors but also yours. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk

Carlo said...

Jax, I know before that you are cut much better than the rest of your classmates. However, what sets you apart more than the others is you can write well. What I like about what you said is the idea that you treasured every good memory that you have with us and the school. You may have bad experiences, but obviously you did not make them affect you at all, rather than you learn more from them. How I wish our students were like you and most of your classmates before. Medyo magulo but kamao mo-lugar. Remember, this is one of the three things I ask from you - that is, we should know where we stand.

Jax said...

Eh you taught and put that in my mind sir eh. Hehehe. I just make use of it rather than just leave it and do nothing about it. I admit medyo gubot ko minsan but if in focus, I'm that kind of person na mahilig mag observe then react in a right manner(hope I 'm right). Pero ung reason nila ngaun why ing ana sila, mabaw ra kaayo. They're a prisoner of their own fantasy. They used to make things which they can't control in the long run. They just think of what are these things now and not thinking what will these things be in the long run. I admit our batch is unlikely not much good but I'm very proud because eventhough ganun kami, kamao mi mo handle sa amo mga gipangbuhat and kabalo mo control. Tsk. If I'm just a teacher, naku. Pirme ko mag wali just lang matanum sa ila mga utok mga values. Ahahaha.

Jax said...

(Wrong rammaw diay sir. "They're prisoners of their own fantasy" diay. Sowee.)

Carlo said...

This is what I really like about you. You are not just a sensitive, sensible guy. You even know your grammar. You did not forget your S-LV-C sentence. That the subject should agree with the number of its predicate nominative. I told you once that I admire men who know their English. You are one of these men. And remember, we are a vanishing breed. Men who are good in English are now for extinction, but obviously because there are still a few of us, the world will obviously still be beautiful and worth living.(Naks! Heavy naman...)

Jax said...

Ahahaha. Lapad ako atay sir. I'm one diay sa mga breed. Haha. But seriously sir, I still don't forget all the things that you've taught. Nakatanim na kasi yun sa utak ko. Kasi nga I told to myself noon na "I should never miss a chance to learn about everything". Bahalag di ko bright basta I prove to them that I did my best. That matters most kc for me. I don't care naman about the medals, honors, awards, etc. Mga bling2x rman na cla. Madala ba gud na inig apply trabaho, di man. Ang importante yung knowledge at wisdom na na learn sa school - no matter how big or small it is. Basta ako, I learn to stand on my own feet without the hands of others. Win or lose, win parin. Hahaha. Eh you will learn from your mistakes sabi nla eh. Eh di mo mararating yung success na tinatamasa mo ngaun kung di dahil sa mistake na un. # things lang naman gusto ko. 1. To learn little about everything. 2. To experience failures 3. To experience success. Ehehe.

Jax said...

waaaaaaaaa. Gpost man jd nmu sir!. ahahahahahaha. weeeeeeeeeeee. Hahaha. Samot kalapad ako atay..xD

Carlo said...

Mini nimo oi! D ka pa ana. At least you're part now of my blog.

Jax said...

Hahaha. Btw. Thanks kaau sa kinatamanan sir! Suroy2x nya ko balik S.M.A.. Tan.aw nya ko graduation kay curious ko knxa ang valedic. Bacn akong inxan sir. ^^