As the dancers raised their heads, Alyanna emerged from behind...
...then the dancers started doing what they knew best - dance!
As Alyanna prepared for the winning pose...
...the dancers wriggled and made waves.
Then they took their final bow...
...the propsmen exited,
...and then waited for the vey obvious.
Both of these – physical exhaustion and brain drain – have prevented me from becoming a good instructional leader to say the least. Juggling my eight-hour school time between teaching students and managing instruction has left me so tired. This year has been my worst both as a teacher and as an instructional leader. In fact, I have been more a teacher this year than an instructional leader. This has greatly and adversely affected the school as a learning institution in general. My performance this year is left to be desired.
My problem, however, is not solely school-based. I have even more personal problems to contend with. Firstly, the relationship problem of my parents left me choosing which to side. My mother, who I live all alone with and who suffers from frequent chest pains, always keeps me uptight. Secondly, it was and has always been my desire to travel and visit places, learn the culture of other people and appreciate their heritage and traditions. I still have to fulfill this dream though lofty it may be. Thirdly, the free spirit in me is nagging for me to explore beyond where I am now – outside my comfort zone – to jump out of the box. I want to go back to serving the least, the last and the lowest of Dalaguete (where I was before). I missed so much my previous work as a social worker – dealing with innocent children and unpretentious parents.
Though it is a reflection of my poor performance as an instructional leader, I feel I am losing control over the students, the teachers…and worse, even over my own self. As a classroom teacher, I cannot seem to make the students read their Computer manuals. As the HS principal, I cannot even make the teachers submit their lesson plans regularly and on time. As to my own self, I am barely holding on to my wit’s end. Though embarrassing, I have so many times burst into child-like tantrum display hurting me in one occasion (see Feb. 5). I cannot think and I cannot afford to happen that such an irrational outburst later on will hurt students and jeopardize the good name of the school which the previous teachers have painstakingly etched.
My presence in the school has become a deterrent rather than an encouraging sight. People outside may have seen me as a valuable, mission-oriented and vision-aligned personnel. They are wrong and I do not want to live with their delusions. One thing, however, remains true. I have and will always be grateful to the school and to all the people I have worked with. My working in the school and the opportunities afforded to me were of no equal. I grow and bear fruit; however, just like any other tree that grows old with time, it has to be cut, lumbered and packaged anew. And such will also be my case.
UTANON FESTIVAL QUEEN 2009
I am a patient person but my patience has limits. I blew my cool this afternoon and made a scene with the students. I don’t want people testing my patience much more students who are chronologically by age younger than I am, which directly makes the test more of a disrespect than childish play. I am not happy with what I have done but I am not also remorseful, nor do I have the plan to apologize. If I cannot make these students behave by requesting them to do so in a manner very polite, then if I can do it in a brutish child-like tantrum display, then I will, even if I lose face. Deep within me, I know I did it for the love of education, for deep respect of what the pedagogical exercise is supposed to be, for my great desire that someday, somehow there will even be some people who deserve to inhabit this planet.
I cut myself this afternoon. My hands were bloodied, all because I care for my students!
Every person in my life is invaluable as I am in their lives. I also play an important role in the lives of the people around me. I am also a unique piece in the puzzle of their lives. I know I am, even though some may not realize it. They may not realize that I have become a part of them and they have become a part of me. Still, I will do my best to perform my role as a part of their lives. Every one then is connected to each other one way or another for they are a part of other people’s lives. Every one of us is interconnected with each other even though we may not be conscious about it. This is an excerpt from an essay of the same title written by one of my students, Jeff F. Top picture was taken in Timuga Falls, Iligan. Bottom picture was taken with my students who will be graduating this March 2009.
