CASTRATION ANXIETY, OEDIPAL COMPLEX

Since birth, Man has been anxi

ous of his World

I decided to start another blog. I find this very cluttered and reminds me to simplify things. I like the pictures though of this blog. My new blog contains most of my angsts, some joys for having lived life for a number of years now.

PLAQUE OF APPRECIATION & GRATITUDE

I Hope I Deserve the Award

Last March 25, was our high school graduation day. It was one of my best graduation ceremonies so far. For quite a time, parents have always been our problem during graduations. Whatever caution is thrown in the air for them not to keep on standing and getting in and out of the graduation hall, the just don't listen. Last Wednesday, however, was different. They were all behaved. Another thing that we accomplished with our graduation was the phasing of the entire program. It did not take us beyond couple of hours to finish everything. It was indeed a feat. Lastly and the most exciting was that I was awarded a plaque of appreciation and gratitude for my 10 years of efficient, unselfish and committed service to the school (as how the plaque reads).

It has been ten years already since I first taught in school. I was a substitute teacher then for Biology and Chemistry. My best friend who taught both subjects got married. When she returned, I got to teach Computer subjects and Technology and Livelihood Education. My principal later on discovered that I can speak and write in English quite well. The next year and until now, I teach senior English. I co-authored our English IV curriculum used in all our schools throughout the country. I am a Science major though, but I have always been asked to facilitate seminars for non-English subjects taught in English. I find this flattering, and I am just thankful that I read so much before and that I listened well to my Literature professors when I was in college.

Through a scholarship, I was able to finish my master's degree in educational leadership in one of the most prestigious teacher-training schools of the country. I became the youngest principal among the fourteen schools in the region, and one of the select few male principals. I have been a principal for three years now. I still have to accomplish so many things though before I can say that I am a good instructional leader. In fact, this year, is so frustrating for me that I have tendered my resignation last Feb. 23. It was disapproved but at least I made known to my employers that I have plans of not staying long with them. I just do not want to leave the school hurting others' feelings. Should they desire for me to serve them for yet another year, then so be it. Definitely, however, the students should be expecting a different me next academic year.

Despite everything that has happened, I still would like to believe that I deserved the award that I got. I may have been very angry this year, I may have hurt students even physically, and I may have neglected some of my duties, however, I still believed that the award was well-deserved. I would like to believe that before my ninth year in service, it was my most effective year as an instructional leader. I am only as effective as my bosses are. I am only as effective as my teachers are efficient. I am only as effective as my students are cooperative and know where they stand with regards to education as a whole. When any of these factors are out of sync and are not in harmony with how I feel and perceive things and how I really move with these people, I am as ineffective as they are.

I should have been out of school and out of work today if the school has accepted my resignation effective March 23. As the days unfold to weeks and then to months, I have slowly gotten back into focus. I still have the desire to rest from teaching next year; looking at the incoming seniors though has given me a lot of reasons to stay for another year. The plaque of appreciation and gratitude that I have is a mute witness of how much I have sacrificed for the school. My sacrifices may have gone unappreciated by my students, but that my employer has seen my selfless efforts and have me rewarded is a reason enough for me to serve the school but for one more year only as of now. I will really have to take things one year at a time.

BITTER LOSERS, SOUR FACES, UGLY MANNERS

Why Can't We Just Lose for Once

With my right heel partly swollen, I slowly ambled my way to school today. We had a very important matter to do - deliberate for the honor students. Usually deliberation for honor students took us the whole day to accomplish. There are just so many things to do to ensure the validity and integrity of the result. The top graduates and students for a particular school year are chosen based on a very complex looking yet simple procedure. The weighted average for all subjects are ranked and the respective ranks are multiplied by 70% to get the weighted rank. The other 30% comes from the weighted rank for extra-curricular activities. It is in this portion that some students think the teachers and the school become unfair.

One basis for extra-curricular activities is participation of the students to other academic work outside the school. Any travel away from the school for academic purposes guarantees the student points for extra-curricular activities. However, not all students vying for honor can be sent for outside events of academic nature. There are some loose criteria we have adopted in choosing who to send out. First, the student should be intelligent enough to understand the task in hand and the responsibility he has after doing such. Second, he should have consistently exhibited a promising leadership potential, or much better, he is already a good student leader. Third, he should have led a student life worth emulating because he is a person of integrity, modesty and of faith. Fourth, he should be physically pleasing or better, attractive.

More often, the better looking and intelligent students are usually sent out of the school to represent the latter for any academic endeavour. The selection may sometimes be subjective but the teachers and the school tried hard to rid the process of biases. I for one is fascinated so much with students who are sophisticated, good mannered and survivors. These three are what I am looking for in a person to consider her or him educated. With sophistication, you should be beautiful in appearance, in action and in word. Good manners come with intelligence, and both are needed to survive.

Points for extra-curricular activities matter so much in deciding for honor students. Therefore, points earned from travels related to academic work are also very important. Because not all candidates for honors can be sent out to travel for academic purposes, I am expecting that some students are complaining. However, if these students are really educated, they should have been more intelligent and better-mannered to think whether they qualify for the task to be done. More often, what prevents us from sending a student outside the school are the behavior and leadership potentials. If the student's behavior does not live up to the image of the school and if his leadership potential fails dismally in comparison with others, then he has to stay.

Well, we just cannot please everyone. Obviously, some may find the ranking of honors this year questionable to their standards. We always welcome, though, questions and clarifications as to how the honor system was done. We would like to believe that we have done our best to maintain the sanctity and integrity of the entire process. We have nothing to hide. It's just that, unfortunately, we cannot cater to everyone's whims. More unfortunately, I prefer so much honor students who are beautiful and well-mannered. Most unfortunately, only a few qualified this year. Bitter losers, sour faces, ugly manners.

OF BOOK BLUNDERS AND NAT WONDERS

Some Good Teachers Never Last

Yesterday I was able to talk with one of our book agents. His is the company who has been in the limelight too often lately because of reports that their books contain significant factual and even conceptual errors. He was all in the defensive stance. I cannot blame him. I was wondering though why this person who keeps on critiquing book mistakes always comes out with reports on national TV almost always at the end of the school year. Why not produce the report at the beginning of the school year, or better, before the next school year commences?

I am now more inclined to think that this lawyer who reviews books works for another book company. At the end of the school year, the Dept. of Education obviously reviews everything for the next academic year. Books with mistakes irk parents who think the government owes them more than free basic education. Erroneous books should be changed is their clamor or our dear children will not learn anything more than Gagambino or Santino. I hope this lawyer-book critique reviews all books and really works for the excellence of our dear country’s deteriorating basic education system. (Sob…sob…sob!)

Because current books now used by our dear students have mistakes, unfortunately this will affect their stellar performance in the Sophomore National Achievement Test (NAT). This is according to teachers who are idiots and should not have been teaching. Anyway what they are only after is the monthly difference of their salaries minus all the loans that equal in number to the erroneous book entries. Poor NAT performance equates with less satisfactory performance rating – another wrong notion that encourages cheating among teachers (not students) during nationally administered tests.

Substandard books, less student understanding, poor NAT performance, less satisfactory performance rating, less salary makes Miss Tapia even poorer because she still has to pay for the monthly installment of her new motorbike she rides to school, then back home. She is left with nothing to eat, so she decides to sell ukay-ukay bras, fake Avon jewelries and ice candies to augment her income. These and everything without regard of all the personal, moral and social incentives just because of a publisher who publishes publications with wrong publishments(?) Yucks!

A teacher should understand that she is not supposed to teach the book. She is supposed to teach knowledge, skills and attitudes. Hers is a work not just confined to asking the students to read for facts in the book but rather teaching the students to think and explore beyond the facts that they have read. A teacher is not supposed to even be guided by the book or the book manual because she is supposed to contextualize her lessons. Book authors and what they have written are way up the ivory towers when our students and the lives they live everyday is way down.

Do not blame the book companies for less student understanding. Do not blame the erroneous book entries for poor NAT performances. Do not blame the book publishers why teacher performance rating is less satisfactory. Do not blame anyone, anything and on anywhere why we teachers wallow in poverty. In the very first place, we were not taught that teachers earn well in this country. That is why when we go back and visit the prestigious university or the state college where we graduated from all the instructors now are as bobo as we are because the intelligent professors have left us and the country for good. (Another sob…sob…sob!)

In both pictures are some of our best teachers that have just to leave school for reasons they themselves only knew.

CAN'T SEEM TO GET OVER IT

ALYANNA AGAIN - Utanon Festival Queen 2009

MY MOTHER DREW a distinction between achievement and success. She said that "achievement is the knowledge that you have studied and worked hard and done the best that is in you. Success is being praised by others, and that's nice too, but not as important or satisfying. Always aim for achievement and forget about success."

- Helen Hayes

A FEW GOOD MEN

Conversation of Men about to Resign from the Human Race

Jax: Tsk. Grabe diay Sir noh? Accident na Sir, or intentionally? Kuyawa gud nila Sir. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Wa’ na ang essence sa S.M.A., Catholic school man unta. Unya naa diay "Black Behind the Blue". Mother Ignacia's core values will be just a dream na lang diay Sir. Tsk. Sayang. Sayang ka S.M.A.

Doki: Jax! 'Like your comments, nakakaiyak. At least, you feel the pain and sadness, ang kausik. Mga bata karon, sayang WALA!

Jax: No problem, Sir. Four years I've stayed in S.M.A. gud Sir, di pwedeng magpakamanhid. Although I might not be one of the best students, I still do care for the school. S'yempre, graduate eh. Good for us, we've experienced good things though might not be the best, but how about them? Such a total waste if the values that were taught in the school will not be ingrained. Sayang lang yung mga efforts not just of the Sisters and teachers but also yours. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk!

Doki: Jax, I know before that you are cut much better than the rest of your classmates. However, what sets you apart more than the others is you can write well. What I like about what you said is the idea that you treasured every good memory that you have with us and the school. You may have bad experiences, but obviously you did not make them affect you at all, rather than you learn more from them. How I wish our students today were like you and most of your classmates before. Medyo magulo but kamao mo-lugar. Remember, this is one of the three things I ask from you - that is, we should know where we stand.

Jax: You taught and put that in my mind Sir, eh. Hehehe! I just make use of it rather than just leave it and do nothing about it. I admit medyo gubot ko minsan but if in focus, I'm that kind of person na mahilig mag-observe then react in the right manner (‘hope I'm right). Pero ‘yong reason nila ngayon why ingon ana sila, mabaw ra kaayo. They're a prisoner of their own fantasy. They make things which they can't control in the long run. They just think of what these things are now and not thinking what will these things be in the future. I admit our batch is unlikely not much good but I'm very proud because even though gano’n kami, kamao mi mo-handle sa among mga gipangbuhat and kabalo mo-control. Tsk. If I'm just a teacher, naku. Pirme ko mag wali just lang matanum sa ilang mga utok ang mga values.

Jax: Wrong grammar diay sir. "They're prisoners of their own fantasy" diay. Sorry!

Doki: This is what I really like about you. You are not just a sensitive, sensible guy. You even know your grammar. You did not forget your S-LV-C sentence. That the subject should agree with the number of its predicate nominative. I told you once that I admire men who know their English. You are one of these men. And remember, we are a vanishing breed. Men who are good in English are now for extinction, but obviously because there are still a few of us, the world will obviously still be beautiful and worth living. (Naks! Heavy naman...)

Jax: Ahahaha! Lapad ako atay Sir. I'm one diay sa mga vanishing breed. Haha. But seriously Sir, I still don't forget all the things that you've taught us. Nakatanim na kasi ‘yon sa utak ko. Kasi nga I told to myself noon na, "I should never miss a chance to learn about everything.” Bahalag di ko bright basta I prove to them that I did my best. That matters most kasi for me. I don't care naman about the medals, honors, awards, etc. Mga bling2x ra man na sila. Madala ba gud na inig apply ug trabaho? Di man. Ang importante ‘yong knowledge at wisdom na we learn sa school - no matter how big or small it is. Basta ako, I learn to stand on my own feet without the hands of others. Win or lose, win pa rin. Hahaha. Eh, you will learn from your mistakes sabi nila . Eh, di mo mararating ‘yong success na tinatamasa mo ngayon kung di dahil sa mistake mo noon. Few things lang naman gusto ko: 1. To learn little about everything. 2. To experience failures 3. To experience success. Ehehe!

(The picture was taken during the English Fest 2007 when Jackson won first place in essay writing.)